Great Book for parents of teenagers

Dear All

I've recently started to read this book titled "For Parents and Teenagers - dissolving the barrier between you and your teen" by Willian Glasser, MD.

We actually bought this book during SACSS parent's info nite at Tiffy's school, but I only started to read this last Thur nite after a turf with Tiffy over going out on a school day when common test was next week. I then stomped off to bed and picked up this book to read, as I felt my tween was beginning to be difficult to handle and I needed help. 

This book is a "life-saver". It tells us common sense i.e. we can't change others (including our kids be they small or teens, or even our spouse), but we can only change ourselves.  I've only read only 3 chapters, but the main ideas which can be implemented IMMEDIATELY is already found on pages 13 & 14. 

Basically, we must built a good and strong relationship with our teenagers, as they will be out of our sight more often and only our relationship with them and their love for us would prevent them from doing things that they know we do not approve of.

Parents (and sometimes as spouses) are guilty of these 7 deadly habits:

- criticise, blame, complain, nag, threaten, punish and reward to control (i.e you do this for me and I'll do that for you).

We have to replace these bad habits with the following 7 good habits of growth:

- caring, trusting, listening, supporting, negotiating, befriending and encouraging

I've already implemented by refraining from some deadly habits like nagging, complaining and criticising...things that I do almost everyday. I just stop doing it and replace it with trusting, caring, listening and encouraging Tiffy...and guess what? She responded by being nicer to me..by keeping me informed of her whereabouts by SMS and being motivated to study on her own without me having to nag her ceaselessly...of course old habits die hard, so I tend to nag her a little still. But you'll be amazed how it improves the relationship and atmosphere in the home. We feel more at peace with each other. I have a friend who has such issues with her daughter. She has also bought the same book and read a little too. I've asked her to try out what was recommended. I believe she is trying but progress has been slower for her. 

If you wish to improve your relationship even with your better half, I think these new habits may help. I strongly recommend this book, though I've not completed the book yet, it seems to be helpful.

Love

Theresa

Touching Movie "Sweet Tapioca Porridge"

Dear All

Feli and I watched "Sweet Tapioca Porridge" over TV5 tonight (Sun). It started out a bit slow, but later on was interesting and touching.

It talks about finding true love in our materialistic and instant pleasure seeking world.

A guy named Hock Seng is jaded by a girl. He meets a simple girl (forgot her name...ah something) who befriended him because she knew he was jaded and felt sorry for him. She offered him friendship and their friendship slowly blossomed to 1st love for both of them. The unsure glances and fearful attempts to hold each others hands reminds me of my blossoming relationship with Bert. The girl said it very aptly, when she was asked by the guy if she had any previous boyfriends: I don't know. When I was 11, I had a 13 year old friend who is a boy who always played with me. One day, he asked me what was my fav food. I told him "Sweet Tapioca Porridge". The next day, he gave me 6 slices of sweet tapioca with porridge and I ate it up hungrily. I nevered asked him why 6 slices and he never told me why he gave them to me. The next day, he and his family left. I guess I'll never know how he felt about me as he never said anything to me.

I reminds me of chances we miss in life because we are too afraid to say how we feel because of ego and pride. Ego is hurt when we are rejected. But on looking back, there's a saying that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before. Sometimes it's also pride that prevents us from making the 1st move to reconcile with our loved ones. We think that to make the 1st move is to admit one is wrong.

Friday's ST had an article on what are men and women ranking of the 7 deadly capital sins that was published by a priest from the Vatican. The highest for men is Lust followed by Gluttony. For women, the 1st ranking is Pride followed by Envy. However, ALL 7 sins are found in both men and women.

I have gone through some regrets in life for not being either brave enough to say how I feel or too proud to be the 1st to ask for forgiveness so as to be reconciled. Not being able to reconcile with someone that is already dead is a terrible feeling for me, and this had already happened twice before. So I guess I am a true woman...as I see these 3 incidents as an indication of Pride in me. I've learned alot from my hubby, Bert. He taught me to say how I feel (at least he knows when to talk and when he talks he doesn't talk nonsense!), and he always stood by me, a pillar of strength, never judgemental of my actions or decisions, supporting me although he may not agree with me. You can call him the strong silent type of man...someone I can rely on all the time. I thank him for having 1st choosen me and was brave enough to say so to me his feelings for me in those early days. 

Feli asked me if finding the "right" one is difficult. I told her, of course it is. But when you find it, you have to hold fast to it and work at it to make it grow. Not everyone is lucky to find true love.

For those who didn't catch the movie, what happened next was Hock Seng found true love, but he allowed the norms of society and the jeers from friends about having an ah lian girlfriend to distance himself from her. He later realises that the friends and girls he is mixing with will not bring him true happiness as he is still lonely within. This loneliness only vanishes when he was with this girl and he came to realise he loves her. Of course the girl rejects him as she was hurt by his earlier rejections of her until her mum tells her sometime to the effect to act on things today for tomorrow may not come. She reflects back and remembers all the good stuff and joy she had felt and decided to forgive and give Hock Seng another chance.

The ending shot was interesting...it showed Hock Seng as a boy resting and watching a little girl (who was this Ah something girl when she was little) eating the sweet tapioca porridge which the 13 year old boy had given her. Sometimes in life, it's also the timing. Like when I was in NUS as a final year student, Bert was in 1st year but we never met. When I was working in NUS, he was still a, undergrad student in the same Faculty as I was working, but we never met. When he graduated from NUS and started to work, then we were introduced to each other. During the times when our boats passed each other so closely by, we were busy interacting with other people and relationships, so I guess the time was not right yet then, even if we had met. Is it fated? Maybe....but I strongly believed that it is God who brought us together.

So dear lovely LC couples, don't forget to tell your true love how much you love and appreciate them, yah?

Sorry for the very chong-hay sharing but it just brings back lots of sweet puppy-love and 1st love memories which I believe all of you have once gone through when you were much younger.

Love

Theresa 

Be careful what you name your child (Haha)

Dear All

Just to share something funny with you.

As Bert needed to call up a colleague to check something urgently over the weekend, I heard him over the phone saying,

"Hello, Honey, sorry to bother you over the weekend, can you tell me what time's invigilation is tomorrow?"

Now this happened under my nose and IN my mum's home...boy, if I didn't know the rest of the conversation, I would have thought he was calling someone his honey!! I told him about it and he laughed saying actually her name wasn't honey but Hung Yee (or something)...just goes to show that you have to be careful how you name your kids!

Enough laughing!

Love

Theresa

Valentine's Day(s)

Dear All

With the girls a little bigger and independant now, Bert and I managed to sneak in a Valentine's Day lunch at Delifrance. They had a promo with a sweet heart-shaped cake for couples to share, and a cute teddy bear for the lady ;) I personally prefer bears to roses as roses die and that's kinda wasted and forgotten very soon, whereas bears...you can cuddle them. The cute valentine bear is in our bedroom now. 

(Above: The Valentine Bear from Bert)

Below : Sharing the sweet-heart cake..

Tiffany is so busy with school the entire week and Felicia with her CCAs (Info Com, Librarian duties and church choir) plus tuitions practically 3x a week, we hardly have any time for each other just to have family time and fun. So we decided to keep Sat evenings for the family as far as possible. As it falls on V day, we treated the girls to Jumbo Seafood restaurant. We of course finished off with their signature dish, the chilli crab! Yummy. I will upload the pix from my hp after I figure it out with Tiffany's help. (OK..pixs uploaded with help from Feli as Tiffy is asleep.)

(Below: Treating the girls to Jumbo Seafood...yum yum chilli crab!)

Then on Sun, 15 Feb 09, I met up with Felicia's P1-P2 classmates and mums....it was fun, as the girls had a surprise....baking session!! Actually, the host mum baked the cupcakes, and the kids had fun decorating them. At this host mum's home, her pussy-willow was awesome!! It was shooting NEW shoots at the top and the pussy-willow "flowered" with hairy pollen-like stigmas!! It was amazing! We told her, sure sign of wealth coming in for her!!

(Below: Felicia's turn at the batter with the blender)

(Below: Little chefs busy rolling out the marzipan for decorating the cupcakes..)

(Below: the hostess' blooming pussy willow..guanrantee plenty wealth would pour down...hopefully on us too...)

This beginning of 2009 has been challenging for us...what with the kids studies and hassles and bussles...hopefully as the year unfolds, all of us (that means you lovely LC couples) will have a peaceful and healthy and wealthy year.

BTW, I'm going for an ultra-scan next Fri to check for cryst in my pelvic area. Pray for me that all goes well. Sure sign that age is catching up on us, yah?

Love 

Theresa

Tiny Glimpse of Heaven

Dear All

Since the girls are in school longer in the afternoons, I am FINALLY able to catch up on some reading. Since most books in the home are either the kids (read as junior novels kinda of books) or Bert's (mostly spiritual ones), I end up reading Bert's books. Not that they are not good reading material, they are indeed "chickensoup for the soul".

I had read the "condense" version of St Theresa, courtesy of my sis-in-law who also happens to bear the same name as me, and am currently reading 1 of several books on St Bernadette. I'm about half way through St Bernadette now.

Bert and I sometimes grouse about life on earth...when things go wrong or as hoped or planned for, and especially when people are so political and mean, we wonder if heaven is perfect...without hieracheries, without politicking and bickering. I was amazed to have had the chance to have a "glimpse" of what heaven will be like from an inccident recorded in the book. When a sick nun asked St Bernadette to pray to the Virgin Mary to help her get better, St Bernadette did so, but in front of St Joseph instead of the statue of our Lady. When the sick nun pointed her mistake out to her, St Bernadette replied that "In heaven, there is NO JEALOUSY!"

I don't know about you, but when I read that, I felt so overjoyed! Can you imagine what that means? Even if there is a hierachery in heaven, the highest will go all out to serve the least, everyone is trying their best to get more souls to heaven (that's the gist of the message to all the saints so far as I can discern, like St Theresa...her mission is to pray for souls, and she still does so in heaven!! And St Bernadette understands that she needs to suffer for the sake of our souls so that more may be saved!). What a blissful place heaven would be! No politicking, no mean people around, everyone trying to serve each other, and no one is jealous of each other!!

Our Catholic faith is so rich with evidence of God's immense love for us. Even to this recent century (only 100+ years ago) we have such great saints, ordinary folks like us, only that God had chosen them to be the Light for all to see. God is really living amongst us today. Before Pope John Paul II passed away, he had pathed the way and canonised numerous saints, and most of them are now from Asia. God's love is so strong and pervasive that it has reached us who live in Asia. Besides the bible, we are so blessed to have our Church to guide us, and to have them autheticate visions of saints so that we are inspired and converted to God. 

Sometimes, after a bad or even good day, I like to pause for a while and look out of the window. I see the sky, still a cheery blue whether I'm having a bad day or a good day. Even as the old year passes and the new year comes, the sky is still the same, the birds are still singing the same tune. Like what the bible says, "Heaven and Earth may pass away, but My Word will always remain". Our economy may be in the dumps and prices of stocks and houses are falling and our jobs may be at stake and everywhere we turn is gloom and doom...that's when we realise how passing things of this world is, and what really matters are our family, our friends, and people, NOT things. And what we can rely on and cling to is God. Afterall, when we leave this world, we bring nothing with us, not even the clothes on our back.

Love Theresa

Today's Sunday Sermon by Fr Joseph

Dear All

Today's theme was to follow what God's wants of us rather than by our own human authority/decision.

Fr Joseph from St Mary's of the Angels started by clarifying that even kids have authority over decisions...they can choose either to listen to us or not. That's authority.

We can choose whether we want to make our decisions in life guided by God or our human "wisdom".

He gave a sharing that made everyone in church (even Tiffy) sit up (Feli was singing at the Children's Mass so she missed out on the sermon). This was to illustrate how he used his own judgement and things went wrong, and when he used God's wisdom, things turned out for good. 

He was a young priest sent to Kuching (City of Cats) in Sarawak. That was back in 1999. There were 50 villages served by just 2 priests. One night when he was celebrating mass at a villager's home, he was called to the kitchen to bless 2 bottles of water for a woman. He saw that the water was dirty and smelly and asked her what kind of water was that. The woman sheepishly said it was "blessed" by a bomoh for her to drink as she was unwell. He immediately lost his temper at her, chided her for believing in other spirits when she is a child of God. He asked if the water had helped her, and she said only for a while, but she then got worse, that's why she asked him to bless the water for her to drink. He again chided her, she apologised and then he asked 1 man to throw the bottles in the bushes. He told the woman she has to go for confession, and so he gave her one.

During the confession, Fr felt a prompting in him to just give her the absolution, but not to pray over her personally but to let the community pray over her. He felt the prompting so strong, he recognised it was from the Lord and decided to obey it (although his previously thought to pray over her himself in the confessional).

The home he was celebrating mass at had a big beautiful altar with the cruxifix, our Lady and Sacred Heart of Jesus. He told us it is important to have our altar in a prominent place in our home and to have holy images as these are very important to us. They made a circle around the woman and Fr closed his eyes and made the sign of the cross to pray. Immediately, he saw a fire in front of him and he was shocked and opened his eyes. He got a further shock that the woman started acting like a cat and clawing around. He jumped back in fright and so did everyone there. He then felt an inner voice telling him to go forward and pray over her. What exactly did he do then, he had entirely forgotten. He only remembered the woman finally joined them in praying that's when he knew the evil spirit had been cast out of her. Later on, he learned from other priests that he should have blessed the waters 1st before throwing it out, otherwise the spirit did not have any other place to go and that's why it went into the woman. His action then was using his own human wisdom and authority, and that's when things go wrong. But once he listened to God's wisdom and authority, God knows what's best for us and everything would go well. He reminded us that in this time of gloom and doom, we should not rely on ourselves, but turn to God for guidance. We would know if we are doing God's will when we are following what the church teaches and the word of God...we'll know it if we are following God's will.

I found the sermon quite scary but at the same time, I feel that our God is the true creator of everything that everything on earth and in the spiritual world will bow to Him. If God is with us, who can stand against us?

Love Theresa

Chinese New Year 2009

Dear All

Amidst all the gloom and doom, I am thankful that we are able to celebrate Chinese New Year (of the Ox) this year. If you remember, Bert's mum passed away last year, and whenever I think of her, a feel some sadness still. That nite when we were dinning with my bro-in-law and his wife & family, and I was recalling about our mum, I think it brought back some sweet and some not-so-sweet memories as I could see that it was a emotional issue for my sis-in-law.

Why am I grateful that we can celebrate CNY and also Christmas last year? It's because I am so afraid about the health of my mum and dad. They are both not very good in health and I am so afraid to lose them, anytime. Death is so final and so different from moving away to a far-away-country where you can still hear their voice from a phone call or just go visit them...you know they are still reachable.

This year, we had pot-luck for reunion...our 1st time. Previous 3 years was reunion at restaurants as my mum is too old to cook for so many people. Since dad can't walk much anymore, mum decided to have reunion at home, and since she can't cook (read as not so active as before), she opened mouth to ask us to cook something. Personally, I prefer to enjoy a family reunion at home. It's so much more meaningful and everyone is more relaxed and can chit-chat. At the restaurant, we have to rush if you are at the 5pm sitting as there's another sitting at 8pm. If you are at the 8pm sitting, you'll also have to rush as the workers want to go back early for the CNY 1st day the next day. You end up paying through your nose and yet you can't savour the meal or each other's company. 

In the past, every CNY was "boring" and the same old thing. However, to my surprise, I quite enjoyed this CNY. I guess it's because I feel that time is running out with my parents, so I get so sentimental about the whole celebrations that I had to video-tape and take photos of the grandchildren "pai-nianing" the grandparents. It was the usual quiet affair (read as we are just plain too lazy to visit) with just the right dose of sprinkling of visits to my goddaughter's mum (one of my best friends) on the 1st day nite for dinner, and to my bro-in-law's family on the 2nd day for dinner. 

Another 1st for me was, I made pineapple tarts (open-faced ones) and some butter cookies this CNY. Since Feli is in afternoon school and Tiffy comes back pretty late in the afternoon (more like early evening actually), I had some "free" time in the afternoon and decided, just for the fun of it, to make the pineapple tarts to surprise my mum this CNY. I usually give her pineapple tarts for CNY, but since my usual home-made source went halal and do not supply open-faced ones anymore, I decided to make 2 bottles for her this year from my own kitchen. My ever-supporting hubby loves my tarts and couldn't resist munching on them even before the CNY started! It's almost gone now and it's just the 1st weekend of CNY. Even the cookies are munched on by Feli and hubby (Tiffy dislikes cookies and pineapple tarts - lucky for her and her waist-line...ha ha). My dad says the tarts are "okay-lah". I sure am happy whenever my little family enjoys my cooking.

I also decided to cut down ALOT of the usual requirements of must-haves for CNY to just the bear minimum. I figured why waste food...after seeing how final death is, and I think of my mum-in-law not bothering to follow all this old-wives tales of must-dos and can't-dos, I've changed my perspective...I just focus on what's the most important thing in life, and that is my family, my hubby, my 2 lovely daughters, my mum and dad, extended family and close friends. Anything else is just unnecessary clutter. As St Bernadette said when her nanny's 13 year old daughter was trying to dissuade her from entering the convent to be a nun, "Life is so short, why waste it" or something to that effect...do what is important...and for St Bernadette, it was to be a nun.

Love Theresa