Dear All
Today's Gospel reading is about the indisolvable union of marriage between husband and wife.
We have a new parish priest, Fr Edward Lim. He gave a clearer understanding, at least to me, on marriage and parents' responsibility in instiling moral values in our children.
He lamented that divorce rates are now very high. The children are the ones most affected. They would probably grow up with psychological scars. He understands that couples have challenges and quarrels, but the "victim" should go to the cross to pray for their errand spouse. This reminds me of the movie Fireproof. We need to turn to Christ, fall on our knees and pray for ourselves to be Christ-like in our response to our spouse although we are hurting within us and can no longer give.
He said spouses must always remember to give and take. If one is always giving, it will be draining. If one is only receiving, then that partner will get fat. That is not good either.
He explained that when 2 catholics are married in church and are divorced, if they don't remarry, they can still receive the host in communion. Once they remarry without getting the approval of the Church for a divorce, they commit adultery and cannot receive communion. They cannot get absolution for this sin at confession either BECAUSE they will still go back and live in sin.
The point is, the Church ONLY recognises the marriage if it is celebrated in Holy Matrimony, in the catholic church. ROM and living together are not considered as husband and wife in the eyes of God.
He also touched on the importance of parents saying "no" to children and teaching them right from wrong. He said parents should not give their children colouring books or pens and paper to draw during Mass. They should teach them to sit as quietly as possible and follow the Mass. Of course he don't expect kids to remain quiet all the time, but parents have to tell them to quiet down. Otherwise you'll disturb others and get them irritated and cause them to sin. It's better for such family not to come to church then. Parents should not wait for others to tell their children to keep quiet. Some parents even get angry when others tell their children off. Such action of parents are wrong.
He noted that working parents who rely on maids to take care of their children do not side the maid when they discipline the children for bad behaviour. Instead, they scold their maids.
Once, a warden saw a young child pulling the curtains in church. He quickly told the child to stop. Do you know what the parents' response was? "Don't worry, we can afford to pay."
We parents have to teach our children what is right and what is wrong. We also need to learn to tell our children "no" sometimes as that is for their good. If we don't teach our children well, these same children would abandon us in our old age. The saying "We reap what is sow" is so true. That's why we see old parents abandoned in old folks home or nursing home, or children not visiting their parents. Our overindulgence in our children and protection of their ego would only encourage their self-centredness and their cravings for instant gratification without knowing the meaning of waiting for gratification.
I find that this is a timely reminder, at least to me...to sometimes say "no" to the girls. For e.g. when the elder wants another poster, though it doesn't cost much, I need to say "no", as she already has one. Then the younger one also hanker that if I get che che one, she also must have one...it's so unfair. But the younger one is too young to fully appreciate a poster, especially when it isn't the cartoon sort of poster that she'll like. She just wants one so as not to lose out. In such cases, we parents must learn NOT to give in and let the kids control us. We must be in charge and be in control of the kids. It's something I have to always remember.
Another e.g is asking the kids to do their work BEFORE they do other things like turning on the TV. If you catch them watching TV and their school work is not done yet, don't make the mistake of asking them to turn off the TV and do their work. You MUST tell them clearly "Turn off the TV and do your homework" instead of "Can you please turn off the TV and do your homework?" If you notice, the first is an instruction that you expect them to follow. The other is a request, so you are unknowingly putting the power in your kids' hands. They can tell you..."Wait, let me watch this show first" or they can choose to ignore your request or question. This would cause conflicts between you and your kids. (This last part was something I read on the internet few weeks back about empowering yourself and taking control back from your kids).
Just food for thought to share you with.
BTW, I tried the instruction method, and it worked about 90% of the time. Just be careful HOW you say it.
Love Theresa
