Recommend:Parenting Talk "Power of 2" by Dr Malcolm Goh

Dear All

We recently attended parenting talk by Dr Malcolm Goh who started Couples for Christ Singapore, and with 15 years family ministry service. He shared about what we as parents can do to build a strong catholic family with good bonding with our kids in a chaotic world. It is frightening that divorce rates are moving up. It used to be 1 in 4, now it's 1 in 3 in the USA and Singapore is moving in the same trend.

The family is the basic foundation of society. His talk is very biblical based. God meant husband and wife to be a pastoral team. Neither is meant to work alone. This is found is Genesis where God made both man and woman, with woman as a complementary role to man. Both have defined and complementary roles to play in the family. The man MUST be the head of the family, however, he can always delegate it to his highly efficient Chief Operating Officer, his wife. All decisions, especially major ones, must be made together as husband and wife, otherwise, God cannot bless the family.

He gave the example of a ship. If there are 2 captains, with 1 directing to go West and the other East, the ship cannot move. If no concensus can be made, the husband's decision should be followed. At least then, the ship and move. If a wrong decision is made, it can still reverse and go the other way, but at least it gets to move rather than be stationary.

Another example is when the wife tries so hard to enrol the kids in good programs but the husband goes along grugingly. When the husband is not supportive, God cannot come in to bless the wife's efforts for the family. Her work will not be blessed with success.

Couples should always make time just for each other at least once/week. Just spend time with each other without arguing. Husbands should just try not to disagree with their wife during this time. If she wants magnolia ice cream, but you prefer marigold, never mind, let her get magnolia. Afterall, everyone still gets to eat the ice cream and there is harmony and the wife is happy that you didn't disagree during couples time like shopping for the groceries. The point of couples' time is for the couple to get in touch with each others' dreams and desires...to get to know each other as a person again.

Create family time. It could be going out together with the family. Having a meal once a week as a family. It's important that the father is involved with the entire family.

A family that prays together, stays together. It need not be an entire rosary. Just a short Hail Mary or a short ad-lib prayer with the children. It's very important to always start off with thanksgiving before petitions. A grateful heart is important, otherwise we create in our kids a desire for asking always without realising they have so many things to be grateful for. It can be simple thanksgiving like thanks for letting me get into the choir, or thanks for such a beautiful day today etc. Afterall, the main problem of society is greed and lust. People are not happy with what they have and just want more, and divorce rates are up because of lust. These are found in the 10 commandments of the Old Testaments.

About correcting children, he says we tend to forget to tell children what they need to do right. We are so good at telling them what they did wrong but they are not shown what is the right thing to do.

Create in your family's calendar an objective to aim for each year. With the routine of work, each year will pass by and very soon, the kids will grow up, and you feel as if you had not achieved anything. It's important that each child and as a family, a goal is set. An example, if you want a family vacation to hawaii, then it means everyone must start saving a certain amount each month in order to have enough money for a vacation. For the child, if she wants an electric guitar, set a goal of perhaps getting 250 marks at the PSLE in order to get the guitar. When the year passes, it's nice to look back to see that your goals have been achieved and the year is not wasted or just past you by.

Why are parents a pastoral team? It's based on the bible. We are to mimic the Good Shepherd who know his sheep and will lay down his life for the sheep. Being parents doesn't end when the kids are grown up and married. Parents still have to correct their grown-up kids if they are going down the wrong path. Our job doesn't end till we have done with our journey on earth. Then, again, it may continue when a surviving spouse remarries!!!

He covered quite a bit of topics, but these are the main ones which I found very insightful and good to implement at least in my little family.

If you come across the talk on "Parenting - the Power of 2" by Dr Malcolm Goh, I strongly recommend you attend. Useful talk. It's light and is only about 1.5h long.

Love Theresa

A Poem "Sweet Darkness"

Dear All

I'm currently reading a book entitled "Fish! For Life".

I have not completed it yet. It's a relatively thin book. It's about making your present life situation whether at work or at home better. It's basically about relationship.

As I was reading, I, and I believe, most of us, experience similar situations as the author....the sandwiched generation....having schooling kids, aging parents who most likely do not live with you, work or home demands on you. You are juggling so many things at the same time that you forget to take stock of where has all the fun of living gone.

From what I have gathered, FISH is basically 4 ingredients:

- play

- make their day

- be there

- choose your attitude

However, those 4 magic ingredients can't be just put in without commitment and journeying with the people you care about. It's not like instant noodles, just pop it into boiling water and presto, hot noodles!

Anyway, I'm still discovering more about this. What I want to share with you is this poem entitled "Sweet Darkness" by David Whyte, which was quoted in the book. It basically sums up so well what I feel at times, when I am so stressed with my numerous commitments, the kids studies (or rather non-studies!!), spending time with grandparents, rushing to ferry the kids for their various activities that sometimes we spouses don't have time for each other!

SWEET DARKNESS - by David Whyte

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone

no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognise its own.

There you can be sure

you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb

tonight.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that doesn't bring you alive

is too small for you.

For me, the poem tells me to stop my mindless activity, like a hamster, running on the treadmill but going no where. Go into the "darkness" or reflection, of stock-taking. Cuss out what's my priority in life. If an activity does not add any value or "give me life", then it's time to drop it. Move on to something else that is more meaningful to me. Midst our daily activities, we mustn't forget the human touch, the human relationship, especially with the ones we love. Someone recently told me that the saying it's not the quantity but the quality of time that is important, is not completely true. To build that quality, we need to spend a quantity of time too.

Love Theresa

Today's (16 Mar 2011, Wed) Daily Mass Readings

Dear All

I've found some useful websites that you may be interested in.

First one is : online daily missal

http://hsi-online.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=30&Itemid=198

2nd one is: list of different kind of prayers (but updated last in 1999, however still quite comprehensive)

http://catholic_homeschool.tripod.com/missal.html

What I would like to share is on today's Mass readings.

Reading 1

Jon 3:1-10

The word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time:
“Set out for the great city of Nineveh,
and announce to it the message that I will tell you.”
So Jonah made ready and went to Nineveh,
according to the LORD’s bidding.
Now Nineveh was an enormously large city;
it took three days to go through it.
Jonah began his journey through the city,
and had gone but a single day’s walk announcing,
“Forty days more and Nineveh shall be destroyed,”
when the people of Nineveh believed God;
they proclaimed a fast
and all of them, great and small, put on sackcloth.

When the news reached the king of Nineveh,
he rose from his throne, laid aside his robe,
covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in the ashes.
Then he had this proclaimed throughout Nineveh,
by decree of the king and his nobles:
“Neither man nor beast, neither cattle nor sheep,
shall taste anything;
they shall not eat, nor shall they drink water.
Man and beast shall be covered with sackcloth and call loudly to God;
every man shall turn from his evil way
and from the violence he has in hand.
Who knows, God may relent and forgive, and withhold his blazing wrath,
so that we shall not perish.”
When God saw by their actions how they turned from their evil way,
he repented of the evil that he had threatened to do to them;
he did not carry it out.

Lk 11:29-32

Gospel

While still more people gathered in the crowd, Jesus said to them,
“This generation is an evil generation;
it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it,
except the sign of Jonah.
Just as Jonah became a sign to the Ninevites,
so will the Son of Man be to this generation.
At the judgment
the queen of the south will rise with the men of this generation
and she will condemn them,
because she came from the ends of the earth
to hear the wisdom of Solomon,
and there is something greater than Solomon here.
At the judgment the men of Nineveh will arise with this generation
and condemn it,
because at the preaching of Jonah they repented,
and there is something greater than Jonah here.”

When I read the above 2 readings, I felt it is so scary a coincidence with Japan's 3 catastrophic events. Now is the time of Lent. It's the time to turn away from our sins, to start afresh, on a clean slate again.

Love Theresa

Mother's Prayer for her Children

Dear All

Came across this lovely poem whilst searching for this movement which has started in one of the neighbourhood cell group on Mother's Prayer for her Children. It's quite touching & thought I'll share it with you.

We need to pray for our children especially in this age when they are exposed to the media, different value systems and more lax attitude in morales and vices. When we are driven by our exasperation with our kids and find ourselves between a hard rock and a stone, it's best we lift our children up to God and leave Him to take care of them. After all, if St Augustine can be changed by a mother's prayer from a wayward man to a saint, we have hope for our children, their future spouses and generations to come.

Here's the poem from http://www.crossroad.to/Victory/poems/mother-prayer.htm

Love Theresa

Mother's Prayer

I was but a youth and thoughtless, as youths are apt to be;
Though I had a Christian mother who had taught me carefully.

There came a time when pleasure of the world came to allure,
And I no more sought guidance of her love so good and pure.

Her tender admonitions fell but lightly on my ear,
And for the gentle warnings, I felt an inward sneer.

But mother would not yield her boy to Satan's sinful sway,
And though I spurned her counsel, she knew a better way.

She made my room an altar, a place of secret prayer,
And there she took her burden and left it in His care.

And morning, noon and evening by that humble bedside low,
She sought the aid of Him who understands a mother's woe.

I went my way unheeding, careless of the life I led,
Until one day I noticed prints of elbows on my bed.

I saw that she had been there, praying for her wayward boy,
Who for love of worldly pleasure would her peace of mind destroy.

Long the conflict raged within me, sin against my mother's prayers,
Sin must yield - for Mother never , while she daily met Him there.

And her constant love and patience were like coals upon my head,
Together with the imprints of her elbows on my bed.

And so at last the fight was won, and I to Christ was led,
And mother's prayers were answered
By her elbows on my bed.

(Author unknown)