Updates from me, Theresa

Dear All

It's been ages since my last entry. There's been 1 funeral after another. My mum-in-law in Jan, my mum's godma in Feb, then it's my uncle (my dad's sis's hubby) in Mar, and most recently in Apr, my parents' old neighbour, Mr Otega. It was so frequent that my mum's maid, Dasini, commented, seems like 1 death every month since she arrived late Dec last year. In my heart was "choy!" Even Tiffany felt so sad that everyone seems to be dying. I told her they are all very old, so it's very natural for them to die. Since Mr Otega is the grandfather of Tiffany's classmate, I told her not to feel too sad that ah ma passed away in her year of the rat. Her classmate is experiencing the same thing too. They have lived to a ripe old age.

When we were at CGH's A&E cos of my leg, Bert commented that my uncle must have been here when he passed away. He had problem breathing and passed away in CGH. It also happened for my grand-godma too...difficulty in breathing and then passing on.

Felicia was unwell this week. This time from an unknown cause...head pain, tummy pain, dizzy. I thought it was because of the amount of insecticide we pumped onto the kid's new bed. After the big black ants infestation, we thought the problem was solved after the vendor replaced the infected parts of the bed. Then, it was very tiny red sugar ants. So pump pump pump! The doc said the smell should not affect her. Strangely, he said feeling unwell from an unknown cause is better than being diagnosed as gastric flu or other. I thought it was worse! Anyway, just be his non-diagnosis and 1 medicine for her stomach gas, I blew $21 away!! Imagine what I can get with $21!! Doctors are not cheap nowadays!

Bert's update from the office was also quite depressing for him. It seems these few days, lots of people want my job! To be a stay-at-home-mum! I told Bert this post is filled and will not be vacated for some time yet!!

Regarding tomorrow's question of the ups and downs in marriage, we had a recent episode at home. You know, with all the stress of ants infestation, me having fever and being very immobile for 2 whole days, carrying out Bert's instructions to spray spray spray, to the letter, and ensuring the kids are comfortable and safely tucked in every night in our 2 sofas in the hall, Bert and I are very tired! So tempers fray. He shouted at the kids, then he came after me!! I held my tongue and promptly did what he told me to do. Later on, I told him that what he did to the kids and to me was not very good to his relationship with us as children and wife respectively. The kids may keep quiet, but in their hearts, they would hate him. I told him I was hurt too by his harsh words. He told me he was tired. Anyway, he made up with the kids and with me the next day.

It's very hard to admit one's mistake. We tend to give reasons and excuses to why we blow our tops at one another. It's either that person made you angry, or we are stressed out etc. It's usually the ones that we love most and we hurt most, because we can let our masks down and just be ourselves. We just blah out our frustrations at the ones we see everyday. When my spouse is nice to me, it's so easy to love him back many times more than he loves me. But when he hurts me, I am so mad that I can lash back at him many more times for hurtful than what he did to me. What holds me back is my decision to love him in good times and in bad. I try to remember to hold my tongue and let the tornado past. If I stand up to the tornado, I may either be swept away or worse, it may split into 2 tornados (this phenomen have been documented to happen in real life!). As my mum advices, when my daddy shouts, just keep quite. After some time, he'll realise he's shouting at a wall and he'll cool down and feel silly later on. So I try to take and practise my mum's advice in our marriage. Luckily, the tornados are far between :)

Love Theresa