My Praying Parents Session @ SACSS

Dear All

We catholics are so blessed to have priests and nuns who give themselves so enthusiastically to us, the lay people. We must indeed pray for them, for good health, for blessings for their generosity of answering God's call.

Today, Sister Christine continued on her sharing on the letters of St Paul. I think this was either my 2nd or 3rd session, and I have missed quite a bit in between, as she was drawing close to ending her "lessons".

Indeed, she was always very conscious that she does not take up too much of our time, and starts her session on time so that she ends on time.

Just last night, Bert and I were talking about the various people serving our church. They come from all walks of life, with different personalities, different social strata, all wanting to serve God in one way or the other, but inevitably brushing against each other and sometimes tempers flare and egos get bruised. Then, today, Sr Christine shared on 1 Corinthians, asking us to read on our own, Chapters 1 - 13. Even then, in St Paul's time, the early Christian Church had the exact same problem. Human nature never changes.

Reading the write-up she had given us, I recall the story of St Theresa of Lisieux....she was imperfect and yet she became  a saint, and not only a saint, but a saint who can relate to us frail human beings and was not afraid to acknowledge her weaknesses. Yet, she aspired to be a saint, even in her imperfections (stubbornness, being "spoilt", revengeful sometimes). Aren't I the same, I asked myself? Who am I to judge others where I myself am not perfect? Should I stop serving God just so that I don't have to work and see people who are different from me? The early Church had the same problem, and I suppose, this same problem will always persist throughout mankind and society and even in the Church. As we used to say between Bert & I, "Where there's people, there's problem".

Write-up given by Sr Christine. I've taken close-up of it in 4 parts to share (below):

What struck me most was the answer given by St Paul found in 1 Corinthians 13, a passage most wedding couples use for their Wedding Mass....

1 Cor 13:4 - "Love is patient and kind".

1 Cor 13:13 - "Meanwhile these 3 remain: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is LOVE".

Sister reminded us that the most important virtue to practise is to LOVE, as only when there is the unconditional love, the Christ-like love, the agape love that the other virtues like peace, joy, faith and so on will all come in, as those are secondary.

She then touched a little on "Conflict-communication", which she hopes to share with us the next time or possibly, next year. It's very much tied in to our LC's last session on "Listening" and like what Lenz said, "Silent" is formed from the letters of Listen. We have to silent our emotions to really listen with our heart, and pray for the right words to speak. One take-away was to start our question or statement with a "What" and not "Why". A what question opens the way to dialogue whereas a why is like an interrogation.

Basically, the statement begins with
"What happened?"
Next is to state your feelings "I feel worried that you didn't call..."
Next is state your needs like wanting the child to get enough rest
Lastly what the child can do for you "Perhaps I could come in at 12 to remind you to get your 7 hours of sleep".

Guess what? She had also helped in Marriage Encounter (ME) and talked about the importance of dialogue, the ME WAY! Haha!

Just to share with you the wonderful session we had today. Indeed, we always receive more than we give to God! He blesses us more than we can ever repay him. Though the school was a bit far away for me to travel to, and the session kinda short, I always take away pearls of wisdom from Sr Christine.

Love
Theresa

LC Gathering @ Our Home - 11 Aug 2012

Dear All

It was a long time for us since we last met up with you all at the LC gatherings.

This year is has been a busy year for the girls in their preparation of their major exams.

In spite of everyone's busy and tight schedule, we are so glad that 5 couples plus us, the hosts, and some of the LC couples' children could make it at our home. We were pleasantly surprised how God had miraculously enlarged our home to accommodate everyone. We were a bit worried we couldn't accommodate everyone comfortably, especially during the couples' dialogue sessions.

We actually took the questions from the World-Wide Marriage Encounter Singapore dialogue website. It was Bert's brilliant idea! I was scratching my head, and almost emailed Lenz for help on the dialogue sharing question.

For those who couldn't make it, you were sorely missed.

Our Altar, wonderfully taken by Anthony :)

Everyone was so generous in bringing a wide spread of food! (below):

To recap, the dialogue question was:

In what ways, do I listen, or not listen to you? HDIFAMA?

As one of our couples pointed out, the question itself is a very simple one, but upon reflection, it is a truly "cheem" one.

It was interesting that we sometimes brush away our spouse when he/or needs a discussion on a matter that affects the whole family, thinking that they can handle it on their own. As our original weekend presenting couple says, that's when a couple need to dialogue the feelings about the specific issue until the spouse who is less affected "tastes" the "grieving" spouse's feelings about the issue or problem.

Haha, my dear husband did not have listening problem, but reading problem, as he shared "In what ways do my spouse listen or not listen to me!". I shall excuse him, as he had just had his second cataract operation, so both eyes can't see near!

As my dear spouse shared, when a couple do not share the same aspirations or feelings, the family cannot move together. A decision cannot be made. It is the couple who makes the important decisions for the family that would affect everyone including the children, so it is important to be open to listen to each other although you do not necessarily agree with the other's point of view.

There were also many nuggets of wisdom we had gleaned at that night's sharing with our "older" couples, who are still very much young at heart! One was to never plan on our children to support us financially in our old-age. The other was, when the children leaves the nest, and when we retire from the working world, it's just the 2 of you - the husband and the wife - left alone together. We have to prepare ourselves for these 2 eventualities in life. The last was managing finances after retirement. The importance of seeing that our finances can at least last us into our twilight years by changing certain aspects of our habits so as to save a bit of money.

These questions are actually in answer to the dialogue question, as couples have to discuss the fears and aspirations at different stages of their lives, and this involves active and lovingly listening with an attitude of openness to the other's ideas and being supportive of one another.

Love
Theresa

A Personal Reflection - How Do I Speak?

Dear All

A friend on FB recently posted a video on 5 characteristics that irk and put people off.

When I was younger, I used not to speak my mind, keep emotions within myself, and then, when those negative emotions have been simmering at dangerously boiling point, just a slight, insignificant episode, I would burst into an inappropriate explosion of anger. I have witnessed this before in my own mum, so I think I may be either subconsciously imitating her as I grew up, or I could be of the same personality trait as her.

Now that I'm older, and age is catching up, I thought, why am I so dumb as to hold in my anger and not speak out if I'm displeased. Life is too short to hold onto ill-feelings towards others, as others will not know that I'm mad with them and what they did irked me, whereas I'll be the one wallowing in anger.

I've noticed that my mum has been over the recent few years, also speaking her mind. Perhaps she had been doing so all her life, but I had only just recently noticed it. I think I may have also emulated how she spoke....direct and cutting at times. I didn't realised I was doing that subconsciously to others, and it took my brave kids to point it out to me. It started with them being spiteful right back at me, and I correcting them, only to be told, I did the same things to them. Boy, was I surprised!! It's like the Bible verses speaking,  I was pointing out the splinter in my brother's eye and I didn't know I had a log in mine!

So what are the 5 characteristics that irks others?

Firstly, it's being negative.

No one likes a person who is pessimistic and negates everything that is being said. It's like what Tiffy says, a "party-pooper", a wet-blanket, a candle-snuffer that puts out the flame.

Secondly, it's being critical.

Being critical is like a destroyer of other's work and self-esteem. It's like pulling people off their high enthusiasm with a cutting remark. It's never constructive, but destructive. No one likes to take to a critical person as they never praise when a job is well-done, but only looks for any little fault that they can find.

Thirdly, it's being apologetic.

This person states upfront, discrediting themselves, before giving an idea. They may have a false sense of being humble, and have a fall-back position that if no one likes their work, it's alright, as they have already said so that their work may not be up to par anyway. What makes them irritating, from what I gather from the video, is that their constant apologies and prelude of excuses, just wear people down. Their putting their ownselves down before others do, just tires others in trying to put them up. People just feel the false modesty in them.

OK, I can't really remember the other 2, but the last part of the video mentioned something, which I've found was a great learning point....Never say anything if it's not all 3 of these things; namely

(1) Kind
(2) A Fact &
(3) Something that helps the other person

It MUST have all 3 components before you speak.

Tiffy added a 4th,

(4) Don't say it too repetitively

I reflected on the way I spoke. I realised that in my mission to speak out so that I won't have to sleep on an anger, I may have not been tactful in HOW I spoke out.

There are many ways to getting the same thing done.

Even in our dialogue with our spouses, if you really think about it, why do we need to dialogue about our feelings is because of how we spoke to each other during the course of the day or week or month.

I think my main weakness is being critical, and perhaps a tinge of negativism. I realised I have at times spoken too directly. I believe this is a learned behaviour that I can correct by being more conscious of the 3 points of, is what I'm going to say going to be kind, factual and constructive to others. If not, than it's best to be left unsaid. If it is, just say so perhaps once or at most thrice, and don't repeat it otherwise it becomes nagging.

Just my personal reflections on how I speak, and what I've learned from the video.

If you are interested in listening to the video, this is the link. Be warned though, it's a pretty long video of about 15 minutes. I guess that's why I could only remember the first part and the last part of the video...it's proven that our attention span is so short, we only remember the beginning and the ending of anything we are listening to :) Perhaps something to take note of when we want our spouse to LISTEN to us, ya?

http://nofilmschool.com/2012/08/5-character-traits-professionals-reluctant-to-work-with-you/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+nofilmschool+%28NoFilmSchool%29

Love
Theresa

Free Museum Admissions in Aug - Don't miss :)

Dear All

In celebration of Singapore's National Day, all museums are free of admission charge to Singaporeans and PRs during the month of August. Free admission are only to the permanent galleries. Special exhibitions are not included.

Poster of free admission (below):

Interior of National Museum (below):

Beautiful stain glass ceiling of the museum's dome (below):

Part of the exterior facade of the National Museum (below):

Bert & I decided to take advantage of this freebie...after all, however do we get back what we pay in taxes right? These museums are built with tax-payers money. Haha, so in one day, we managed to cover 3 museums, namely the National Museum, followed by the Peranakan Museum and lastly the Philatelic (or stamp) Museum.

These 3 museums are closely located to one another, so the route was smooth. First we took a cab to the National Museum at Bras Basah. Then we walked past SMU and turned right and walked straight to the Peranakan Museum at Armenian Street (opposite the famous Armenian Church which we didn't have time to visit). Next, we walked further up to the Philatelic Museum at the junction of Coleman Street and Armenian Street.

We had actually visited the National Museum before, not that long ago, so this time round, we sort of breeze through it as the exhibits have not changed much. The last time we visited, we had to pay to enter. If you have not been to this museum before or for at least the past 2 years, it really worth visiting. It has a gallery on the ground floor with antique weighing machine and school furniture from the 1970s. It also has photos recording Singapore's independence and separation from Malaya.

Gallery showcasing Singapore's coming into her independence (below):

Typical school furniture and bag of the past (below):

The galleries on the 2nd floor are more interesting. There's at least 4 - 5 galleries. One was paintings of unusual animals from Malaysia; another was our traditional foods; another was old cinematic cameras and threate of yesteryear; another was how our mothers and possibly grandmothers used to dress.

Galleries showcasing traditional foods (below):

Bert sniffing the herbs (below):

Gallery of unusual animals and plants (below):

Gallery of the Peranakan heritage (below):

An early peranakan rosary of the 1900s (below):

Gallery showcasing early cinema technology (below):

Exhibits of early years' lady fashions (below):

Last time, tailor made clothes were in vogue, hence so are materials (below):

Close-up of the swinging chandelier along museum's passage (below):

Outside of museum enroute to Peranakan museum (below):

Sculpture entitled "Seeds" (below):

Do you remember this sculpture "Living World"? It's now at National Museum (below):

Enroute to Peranakan museum, we saw this colourful building (below):

Next to it was this tower clock (below):

We next visited the Peranakan Museum. Personally, we liked this place best, perhaps because we are both peranakans, and perhaps more so because this museum kindly lived up to its name of having ALL its galleries FREE, and housed a huge display of everything pernankan, all 3 storeys of it! We really spent a lot of time wandering here, and had to sms each other several times as we went off our separate ways, exploring what interest us most :) It wasn't a bit scary, as there were sufficient visitors about yet not too many to more it too crowded to explore.

Peranakan beaded table cloth with phoenix motifs (below):

Typical gift from the peranakan groom to the bride's family of yesteryears (below):

Olden days, they already have these ergonomic, comfortable chairs! (below):

The gallery at the ground floor traced the roots of the peranakan...there were Eurasian, India, Chinese and other races of peranakan....we didn't realise that till then! Cool! :)

The 2nd floor was where all the action was....there were lots of things to see. Bert and I were busy snapping photos that both our batteries went flat before our SD card were full!

These are bolster ends, believe it or not! (below):

Bridal chamber of peranakan couple (below):

Bridal Procession (below):

There's a wedding procession exhibit/props, wedding gifts from the groom side and the bride side, a typical peranakan kitchen from yesteryears, the ancestors altar, and how catholicism came to the peranakan altar. There's the set-up of the peranakan dinning table with all it's gawdy crockeries and multitude of cutleries.

Chandelier used as a prop in show "Emily of Emerald Hill" starring Ivan Heng (below):

A traditional peranakan card-game called "Cherki" my maternal great-grandma used to play (below):

The Van Kleef Aquarium I used to visit as a child. I remember the "viking" boat-shaped fountain in the foreground of the building (below):

This grandfather's clock was similar to my paternal grandfather's one (below):

We used to have this phone at our paternal grandparents' home when I was little. I was allowed to dial 381 to listen to a recording of a lady telling the time. We had to turn the dial for each number all the way to the metal clip at the bottom of the dial (below):

Exhibit from the late Mrs LKY's collection (below):

There's quite a bit of repetition of clothing fineries, wedding fineries and crockeries that I personally find it, it can be a bit of an overkill. By the end of our visit, we were very tired.

A typical peranakan kitchen of the past (below):

There were numerous crockery on display (below):

Elaborate dinning ware for guest (below):

As it was quite late into the afternoon by then and we were tired, we had a quick tour of the Philatelic museum. It housed the rare black penny stamp and has an exhibit for visitors to spot the difference between the real and the fake stamps! There's even an old-looking post-box in front of the museum that is a real working post-box....and how did we know? Well, Bert had to post a letter, so we asked the staff :)

Fortunately, my camera had a little juice in it's battery left, so I took some selective photos at the Philatelic Museum :)

External facade of Philatelic Museum (below):

This was the said post-box :) (below):

Can you spot the fake? (below):

The rare black penny stamp (below):

Some rare or unusual stamps (below):

Do you remember the scooter the postman used to ride on? (below):

These are just 3 of the about 7 or 9 museums that are free to visit in August. Have fun enjoying this free treat only for this month of August.

Different kinds of letter-boxes with an enlarged letter from a prisoner in background (below):

Series of stamps featuring Singapore tourist attractions (below):

There were also Harry Potter stamps! (below):

Gallery of stamps with beautiful overhanging umbrella lamps (below):

Olympic stamps (below):

Series of multicultural/traditional Singapore stamps (below):

Nautical instruments (below):

Spices of the past (below):

Archaelogical "site" for fossil digging (below):

Various post-boxes from different countries over the years (below):

Love
Theresa