My Heart is Burdened

Dear All

I had visited my bro with my mum on Monday. My bro is not better yet. Both Bert and I are worriers. We tend to think alot and make lots of plans for what-ifs scenario. My bro becoming like this was NEVER in our plans nor mind.

The what-if he doesn't fully recover scenario is VERY REAL. He cannot work. He cannot function normally anymore. He doesn't have any insurance as he doesn't believe in them. He may not have much savings either. If he doesn't recover and be normal again, the reality is he will have to depend on us to take care of him. This was never in our plans. This very possible reality will be a constant burden on us, physically, financially, psychologically. My parents are old. They can only live a few more years. My parents are sick and weak with ailments. How can my mum recover?

1st blow this year - my mum was hospitalised. Next it was me. After that, my dad. Now my bro.

Thinking about the future is so very scary. I had already offered mum our home if anything happened to either dad or her. That was BEFORE my bro's case. I feel obliged to my parents and filial children, they have helped us so much, it's only natural and automatic for us to help them back in their hour of need. But my bro? He should have been independently taking care of himself, right? Sometimes when I think, I find that he still thinks like a child. He doesn't even buy his own home. He depends totally on my mum. Now that this has happened, I don't think I have the strength nor generosity to take care of him too, for he's only in his 40s, and the care would be for the very long haul. Do you think I'm selfish? I feel guilty thinking about it. Perhaps we 3 siblings could take turn taking care of him. But my other bro could be migrating in the future. Then what?

I cannot think too much otherwise I am afraid I would worry myself silly and go bong-kas too. Bert has also thought of these too. He is as worried as me. I need to share my burden with you. We really need your prayers. We don't have a solution. It all depends on how my bro fares. Bert says to just take one day at a time. I know he's right, but I can't help worrying.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

Love Theresa