I dream of Ah Mah

Dear All

We were asleep on Sunday nite (10 Feb 08) after a tiring long CNY weekend. We were all bushed after visiting my parents and had fun lo-haying with my parents. It was more to cheer the kids as they didn't get much "ang pows" this year and at least give them some CNY spirit though we grown-ups were not that much in the mood for it. Actually its more of showing respect for Bert's mum as it was not even 1 month yet since her demise.

Anyway, as I was saying, we were asleep when suddenly at 2+am on Monday morning, I realised it was 21 days after Bert's mum death. I remembered my sis-in-law said we must pray on the 7th & 21st days after her death. (Don't ask me why cos I don't know. Seems like some kinda auspicious numbers I think). I looked at Bert and he was VERY sound asleep. The kids were already asleep as Monday was 1st day of school and Tiffany was having very very bad Monday blues. So I went back to sleep.

It must have been my guilty consciousness cos I then dream my 1st dream about my mum-in-law since her death. (When I told this to Tiffany since she insisted to know what I was telling daddy, she said it sounded scary to her...so be warned).

The Dream:

I was with Bert and another lady at the wake on the day of the funeral. We were at the parlor and Bert had to go to the toilet. So the lady (don't recognise her) and I were left alone. We were silent as we looked at the photo of mum-in-law that was placed in front of the coffin. Suddenly, a dark-coloured tear-drop appeared on the left outer corner of her eye in the photo and rolled down the photo. I was surprised and immediately thought she wanted us to pray for her. I told the lady to say the rosary. I quickly took my camera to take a shot for Bert and then noticed her tear-drop flowed like a stream and formed a dark pool at the bottom of the photo. We quickly said the Credo - the "I Believe".

Next, a priest came and prayed over her coffin and threw holy water over her.

Next, my mum-in-law was "alive" and walking and talking. I knew she had arose from the dead as her flesh was a little bluish-black and her ankles were still swollen with her toes spread out into 2 parts like 3 toes together with a gap from her next 2 toes on both feet. She was talking very animatedly like her usual self to a chinese man about 1.78m tall with slightly muscular frame and tan complexion. He had a high bridge nose with slightly craggy face. I guess you can say the "macho" look. They were sitting in a corner of a room.

Suddenly, she called me : "2nd wife, come here!"

I knew she was referring to me as Albert is the younger of the 2 brothers so I was the 2nd daughter-in-law. I went up to her immediately but was a little scared too as she was dead actually in that dream.

She then said to me "Thank you." And then returned to talking to that man.

I quickly took the opportunity to ask her for her forgiveness for all the wrong I've done and all my pettiness. (If you had remembered my sharing afew CNY back during the LC meeting at Colman & Chole's home - the one about our wedding day, I had expressed regret that I had not explicitly asked her for her forgiveness nor had a proper reconciliation with her when she could still speak, although we got on pretty well till her stroke? It was important to me to say it all out explicitly - for me, words are important. I don't believe in interpreting actions as to me actions can be interpreted wrongly - better say it out clearly - it's just me and how I function lah).

She suddenly focused all her attention on me and looked me in the eye and asked me,

"What petty things did you do?" Now you must remember that she is dead and I am of couse afraid to offend the dead - you never know what they'll do right? I had to think quickly and replied:

"You asked me now, I cannot remember exactly what they are."

She said "I cannot remember anything too."

Then she turned back to talk to the man.

I was relieved that she didn't feel that I had offended her in anyway, and take it as her forgiveness to me.

As I was still standing near her, I could hear their conversations. She said to the man:

"What ever you do, you cannot sell these tables and chairs. They belong to my son. They are his things".

It suddenly occured to me why my mum-in-law thanked me and I guessed the man could be a contractor of some sort. I didn't ask her why she had thanked me then as I had to ask her for forgiveness 1st before she is gone. I believe she was grateful to Albert and me for letting her stay in our Jurong house. I think they could be sitting at the corner where her bed used to be, but the walls were covered with dark-brown shelves and dark coloured floor - the corner was kinda dark. I forgot to say that when she asked me what petty things I had done, I noticed she had bad-breath...another indication to me that she was actually dead and rose from the dead. That's why I dare not offend her.

Then the dream ended as I woke up. It was 3:18am Monday morning and I went to the toilet. I said a short prayer and went back to sleep.

Tiffany said I shouldn't lie to the dead. I told her I was scared at that time and didn't really lie as there were so many petty things that I had done wrong and couldn't recall all at that time anyway.

I tend to have very detailed dreams involving the 5 senses sometimes. Albert thinks the dream is telling us that mum doesn't want us to sell Jurong house and that we could rent it out. Anyway, Albert told me Sunday was already the 28th day, not 21st and that we had the rosary already said on the 21st. So, so much for guilt and how it manifest in our subconsciousness and dreams, yah?!

Love Theresa