Some observations of woman behaviour & what we want from man..

Dear All

After spending some time at Albert's bro's place, I noticed how solemn Law was after viewing so many of their mum's photos. He remarked that he didn't know about mum's photos as she never showed them to him and noticed how she had aged since she stopped working. He felt very sad to see how stress had caused her to age so much. I didn't think much till I looked at the scanned photos Albert brought home yesterday and I thought about her and the sorrow came back just so suddenly.

Coming back to my subject matter, I was watching snatches of the last episode of the chinese serial Kinship 2. My observations of the women in the story, though a bit exaggerated, are that they want their guys to show and express their love for them without them needing to prompt the guys to do so. E.g1 when the wife was going overseas for 2 years, she wanted her hubby to explicitly ask her to stay cos he love her but the guy didn't till he thought he missed her departure at the airport and at last told her so. So she's happy and stayed on.

E.g.2 wife was misjudged as expecting a baby from another man and hubby realised he was wrong but won't admit it. He shows his concern for wife's condition in an aggressive and grudging manner cos he is too egoistic to admit his love for wife and his wish to be reconciled. Finally when he does so at a tender moment and apologise so softly that his wife could hardly hear him. When he apologised loudly again, the wife was happy and told him he's such a dummy to take so long to apologise and to admit his love for her.

E.g. 3, wife had misunderstanding with hubby and they separated for a while. During separation, they still had mutual feelings for each other but both were too full of pride to be 1st to admit their mistake and ask for reconcilation. Wife comes back to marital home to get some stuff and wants to go off but hubby, instead of giving her a lift, tells her to leave her boxes there as they are too heavy and he'll bring them over another time. Wife thought bubbles were, "such a dope, why doesn't he take the initiative and opportunity to be romantic and galant to chat her up again?"

My personal experience : during the ME, I shared with Albert about how when I'm angry with him and give him the cold shoulder, I expected him to approach me and take the initiative to pacify me. Instead, he decides not to rock the boat further and gives me space to cool down. That however is not I want from him and instead I felt he was giving me the cold shoulder instead. I think I speak for women in general that when we say we don't want something, we sometime actually mean we want it. It's kind of a complicated thing, but woman, in general, like to be "pampered" by their guys but do not wish to remind them to do so when we feel we are unjustly wronged. I shared this with Albert, and most expectedly, he doesn't get it. So he says, when a woman says Yes, it means Yes, and when she says No, it could mean a Yes? I must point out that it's at moments when we feel we are wronged by our guys when we are right in the 1st place, that we expect the guys to make the 1st move though we say things that appear we don't want them around.

From ME experience, I realise that trying to overcome what we women tend to naturally react, I try now to tell Albert what behaviour I want and expect from him. Afterall, neither he nor I can read each other minds unless we are telepathic. Sometimes he forgets, so I learn to let it go at that moment as it's no use to raise my blood pressure when the other party is ignorant of what's going on within me. Afterall there's a saying that we are in control of only 20% of what's happening to us, and 80% is outside of our control, so I am learning to control my negative feelings (the 20%) and remind myself other's behaviour is not under my control (the 80%). Another thing I realise is that what stops us from having a more intimate relationship is pride. My pride to take the initiative to reconcile as I think that I am the wronged party in the 1st place and shouldn't make the 1st move as it's as if I am admitting I am wrong. But when I think about it, God didn't let pride stop Him from sending His only Son to us when we are still sinners. If pride stopped Him (we are the ones who have sinned against God in the 1st place and not Him) from reaching out to us, then we won't have Jesus nor heaven. I stutter to think about if there's no heaven nor Jesus. So if God can do it, so can I. I fail most of the time, but I think I do remember sometimes too.

Love Theresa