Do you know what your kids are doing on-line?

Dear All

There's an article in today's (13 Aug 08) straits times home page regarding the above. A mother was shocked to see her daughter's (15 years old) life story in an open (face) book. She had to resort to creating a fictitious character of herself (a 40 year old mother) posing as a 24 year old swinging single to show her 2 girls (the other is 14 years old) the danger of the net. She had quite a few netizens believing she's a 24 year old girl, with anonymous chats from around the world.

This is my greatest concern for my girls. Not just the internet, but any form of electronic communication e.g sms/handphones. According to a professor, communications and socialising in itself is not bad as a teenager needs to find acceptance from peers and learn how to appreciate themselves. We do that too in our time, except it was over the phone or face-to-face communication with our friends when we were teenagers. However, with the availability of electronic devices, communications are world-wide. That's where the danger lies. Our kids are more vunerable to unscrupulous strangers.

One SAHM told me she uses the handphone for just calling and receiving calls. She doesn't know how to sms or use the camera etc. She claims she's not tech-savvy. Her husband chided her that she has to learn otherwise she won't know what their children are doing in the technology world.

In the above article, luckily the mother discovered what her daughter was doing so innocently. She now screens their facebook, blogs and sits with them when they are on the internet. She also disallows them to reveal any personal details like address or phone numbers on-line.

I have discovered the girls looking at websites like imvc (it's a 3D avatar MSN) and ibeatyou (a social website where you invite total strangers to beat you in an activity). I have told the girls I do not approve of them entering or opening an account on these sites and trust them not to visit such sites. A few months back, Tiff told me that when we were out with Feli, she accidently opened a pornography website, but she quickly closed it. I am very pleased that she had told me that. We have to trust our kids to do the right thing and make the right decision, as we cannot protect them from everything. That's 1 of the rules (Trust our kids) on "The rules of parenting" book that Bert had given me for christmas last year (see earlier blog on that). They have to make some mistakes (the less serious ones, not ones that can endanger their lives - that, we HAVE to protect them e.g taking drugs etc, you know what I mean) on their own so that they can learn and grow and develop their thinking/decision-making skills. That's another rule of the same book (let them make mistakes).

Recently, I thought Tiff should not be visiting websites of pop groups. She was disappointed. So I told both girls they can listen to their music but be careful of the lyrics of the song and the dances (some have awful black painted faces). We have to listen to our kids too. Tiff also asked if she could go out with her friends on the last day of PSLE. I at first said no, as she's too young (only just turned 12). Then I asked her where to? She said to Tampine Mall, probably to get keychains and just hang-out. I was very concerned, so I said she may go provided 1 of the girls's parents chaperones them. Reason - they were young, so if there was any pickpockets or worse-case scenerio - a stranger shoplifts and puts things into their bags - an adult with them would probably pose a deterent or least "bail" them out. You must remember, these are a bunch of 11 - 12 year olds who have probably NEVER been out on their own. In a group, they would be unaware of what's going on around them, especially it being their last day of a national exam (the dreaded PSLE!!).

Tomorrow's Tiff REAL PSLE chinese orals. She refuses to mug last minute as her teacher told them doing so would not help. Crumping things last minute would make them nervous. That's true. But then, Tiff also told me that teacher said she has selective listening skills - so I guess she hears only the good stuff! ;P. Anyway, please pray for her.

Love Theresa