Dear All
We met our bro-in-law, Lawrence & his family at Mandai Crematorium Ash Collection Centre at 9am today (18 Jan 08).
Michael, the niche engraver, gave us a transulent white box (the type you get from NTUC to put in your toys). We entered a room just like the private room at a safe deposit box in a bank, except that there's a tap with soap, hand dryer and a long bench and table in the centre of the room.
I recalled when I was little, about Pr 3, a classmate told me that when she collected her grandma's ashes, it was all greyish white ashes with a few tiny bones which, as a buddhist, she had to pick 1 pick up with a pair of chopsticks. When the box was opened, I was surprised that it comprised half a box of broken white bones that were burnt (very much like the whitish charcoal after it is burnt). Michael say as she is old, her bones are brittle and quite hollow. Some people has bones that fill up to the top of the the box.
He first picked out all the bits and pieces of her skull. These, he explained, had to be placed at the top of the rest of the bones in the urn. The thigh bones and the ball and socket bones were the most easily recognisable as they were in bigger pieces and intact. Surprisely, none of us felt shocked nor errie. Felicia and Tiffany were looking keenly and especially Felicia with curiosity and interest at the bones in the box.
Everyone were invited to place a piece of her bone into the urn. Afterwhich, we were asked to wash our hands. Michael then placed the rest carefully into the urn, last the skull bones and lastly, the bits of bone fragments and little bit of ashes left in the box into the urn. As he is a catholic, he told us that her soul is still with her bones, so we should say some prayers for her. Lawrence led and then we said 1 our father, 1 hail mary and 1 glory be.
The urn, a beautiful light orange-brown precious stone (can't remember the name, but like jade - cool to the touch) was then covered with an inner flat lid and then a top cover with a round knob at the top. It was then wrapped in a white cloth and tied loosely. Albert carried the covered urn carefully on his lap as we were driven to St Anne's Church Columbarium.
We reached there at 9:45am. Fr. Kang (?name) was to pray for the installation of the urn at 10am.
We witnessed Michael knocking out the cover of the niche. It was just a rectangular cement hole behind the cover.
He then placed the urn on a table under the niche and opened the cloth. Father said some prayers and sprinkled holy water on the urn and into the niche. We were asked to select 2 hymns for the installation prayers. One of the hymns was "closer walk with thee". I couldn't help tearing when we sang that song. It felt like a sad longing for the Lord. As if my mum-in-law was longing and yearning to be with the Lord and yet was so sad in leaving us.
We then were given time to say our farewell to ah-ma. Felicia was first, next Anne-Marie, Tiffany, Benji and Christopher by order of youngest to the oldest. My sis-in-law (who is actually older than me but nearer to the niche) went next. She placed both hands on the urn and most unexpectedly started to sob and break down. It was heart wrenching. When I was next, I asked my mum-in-law for forgiveness for everything that I had wronged her with and that may the Lord Jesus and Mother Mary take her to heaven, may perpetual light shine upon her and that she will rest in peace. Then I said good bye to mum.
After saying our last farewell to mum, Michael sealed the niche with the marble slab that her sons had chosen.
Later that same afternoon, Albert wanted to go back to Jurong house to move the furniture around and especially to take away the bed and place something else in that place, as he doesn't think he'll be able to handle the memories and on seeing the empty bed. My sis-in-law told me that Bert was sobbing uncontrollably when he, his bro and the maid were packing mothers' belongings like her clothes, medicines etc into plastic bags the afternoon when they went back to find suitable photos for the wake and certification to show that she was a catholic.
The maid is now with us at Melville Park. She told us that when she was at home at night to sleep at Jurong house and saw the empty bed from the kitchen (the bed is in the hall so that the maid can keep an eye on her from the kitchen), she had goose-pimples and felt as if grandma was in the kitchen with her. She felt scared. Santi, the maid, had quite a fright when she was the one who witnessed ah ma's last breath in NUH. So it was very understandable that she cried a lot at the wake and especially at the cremation, and particularly feeling scared staying alone in Jurong house as it is a huge place (about 1,600 sq ft with 4 bedrooms) for just 1 person to stay.
We started the 1st night of prayers tonight as the funeral was held yesterday. When we were saying the rosary, I remembered that my sis-in-law asked me if I'll like to say the rosary for ah ma when we meet on 30 Dec 07 christmas gathering at Jurong house. I am glad we did have that rosary session where we gathered around ah ma with Lawrence kneeling down in front of ah ma, Albert standing near her head and the rest of us in an outer circle around them. According to Santi, she told ah ma that we couldn't make it for christmas day but will come later on 30 Dec, and that ah ma shed some tears. She told ah ma not to cry because we are coming, just that it will be later. I don't know if she was grieved as she may have sensed that she may be passing on soon and wished to see us 1 last time and was afraid she couldn't. Or maybe she was grieved because we did not visit her often enough. I read in the papers "mind your body" and from listening to my own mother, that when a person grows old, all they want is for their children to see them more often, to give them a listening ear and just to be near them. I do regret I had not visited Bert's mother as much as I would have. But I make sure I always let my mum and dad know I am always there for them by visiting them every weekend where possible, and making time to talk to them and to help them in as many ways as I could possibly do even if it may be of some inconvenience to me.
I am so grateful and thanked the dear Lord that she had "seen" us 1 last time. My girls and I had touched her arms as we talked to her. We do not know if she knows if we are there as her eyes are always closed nowadays and she doesn't respond. I guess it is good to have Santi with us these last days before she leaves us on 31 Jan 08 as then we'll be able to get to know ah ma more through her.
Love Theresa
...and here is my sweetie..
...almost "panchek" already..but it was all a good and refreshing run. Wah! so late already now..goodnite, need to check e-mail to find out the time n venue for tomorrow's WITs meeting.
Tomorrow, I am taking time off to sent the maid back home at the airport after completing her 2 year contract (She has done a good job this 2 years) after which I will just have some quiet time with my the other half...maybe just a good meal at the airport..
The holy rosary, the hallmark of our Catholic faith. A lot of us has now forgotten how to say the rosary, some may not even be carrying a rosary in their bags, some has stop reciting it all together etc. Maybe you may notice nowdays those who say the rosary are usually the aunties and the elderly folks. To me, I somehow got this feeling among the young, that it no longer look cool to be seen saying the rosary let alone to carry one in their bags.
Good nite...or is it Good morning?
ACTIVITY 2: Play board games at home
