A long and emotionally trying week...

It has been a long and emotionally trying week for our family this week...memories of the sequence of events over the week is still very fresh on my mind. Now that all is over, i am able to recollect my thoughts and penned down all the events that unfold over the entire week starting with the previous Sunday, 13 Jan 2008, evening, 5pm to 6 pm on that day.

I can still remember on that day, eveything is on normal routine, fetch mum-in-law to church and back home and headed straight to a children's party (Fel's classmate) which lasted till about 3.30 pm and went to Eastpoint a grab a ready make brithday cake for mum-in-law and headed straight home to have a nap.

When i woke up at about 6.40 pm I checked my mobile and discovered I have 2 missed calls and it was from the care giver of my mum. I immediately return call and she was hyterical as she broke the sad news to me that mum has stopped breathing (maam "tak ada nafas"). I told her to remain calm as there are doctors and nurses all around in the hospital and that there is nothing to worry about. This is the starting point of the string of events that follows and unfold for the entire taking us through to Friday (collection of ashes and transfer to columbarium)

One of the valuable lessons that I have learnt through this week as the series of events of unfold is on the meaning of Grief.

I am now able to understand what is meant by the word "grief". I once thought that it was just sadness at particular point in time but it was more that just sadness. I thought that I was rather strong and compose coz when i was in the hospital keeping vigil over my mum till the transfer of the body to the morgue, I did not shed a tear though I was daze when i was in hospital. But I was grossly wrong. As my mum's body was laid to rest in the parlour, grief overtakes my entire being. At one point in time, I broke down and cried uncontrollably. I asked my brother why am i so weak and my brother told me crying is not a sign of weakness..it is a sign that you love mum a lot - he said comforting me. I remember whenever I broke down and cried, my legs began to weakened and shake uncontrollably, my heart is felt piercing with sorrow. I never experience this kind of extreme sadness in my whole life before.....there is simply no words that can describe this feeling in me.......this is GRIEF which I now clearly understood.

I remember clearly after the cremation, we were led to the lobby of the main building of Mandai Crematorium with packet drinks laid out for us by the funeral director. At that time, i was in a complete daze and just could not think of anything. My mind was totally blank. I sat there holding the photo of my mum still trying to come to terms of her death. I never experience this before in my whole life.

I remember at one time also, I cried out to St Therese to help me at that moment coz I felt just so helpless being overtaken by grief.

Now I had better understood the meaning of GRIEF and now, that everthing has come to closed, I am on the road to moving on...mum is now in a happier place and as for me I have to carry on with life as per normal and thanking God for all the things He has given me.

Tomorrow I will be back to work slowly picking up from where I left off a week ago. With the help of St Therese and the Mother Mary together with the Almighty God, I will bounce back...certainly I will.

Good nite!

Albert Y