My Reflections on Recent Death of Loved One

Dear All



When I come face to face with death of someone I know and the reality that the person no longer exist physically in this world, I am jolted to the fact that one day I will die too. As Albert shared with me, when the reality of his mum's death finally surfaced to his consciousness, he realises that once a person is dead, we are faced with just an empty shell.



Sometimes I get so worked up with the studies and results of the children and doing my routine house work and sending of children to classes etc, that I forget that my life here on earth is so short. The very last time I had had a personal encounter with Jesus was way back in 1987 after my graduation from NUS. It was my first and at the moment last time He had spoken to me so clearly. Being human, our memory is so short. I sometimes wonder if God does exist. Albert says He clearly does to him. Just look at nature. Nature is a wonderful creation that cannot just appear out of no where. It has to have a creator. In urban Singapore, I seldom stop to smell the roses or just admire the sky. I get so caught up with daily living and earthly distractions like the TV, newspapers, the PC etc. Prayers like the rosary becomes mechanical to me.



With the realisation that we will die one day irrespective if we believe or do not believe in the existence of God, where do I stand? I want to believe in God's existance. My faith is based on my 1 encounter in Jesus' speaking to me very personally in 1987. What we call, My Faith Story. I recently read a booklet on "Experiencing Intimacy with God" by Joseph M Stowell from the Discovery Series. He says in order to know God, we must start out with faith in God's existence even if we do not always feel His presence in our lives. The author reminded us that although it is easy for us to say that Abraham had no problem in having faith in God as He spoke to him numerous times, the author reminded us that such close encounters with God averaged about once every 15 years!! What happened between those 15 years was Abraham's unwavering faith in God even when God appears to be silent.

It's been 20 years since I had a close walk with Christ. So maybe that's why I am starting to reflect into my being what's my personal relationship with God like. I must thank my mum-in-law for this wake-up call to begin again to build this personal relationship with God, and to KEEP at it. For in the end, life after death on earth is for eternality. It's ironically for me. In order to know God, I have to first believe that there is a God. And after that act of faith, my soul would sometimes weep with the awe of how wonderful and powerful God is. In order to sustain my faith, I try to recall the time when I looked at my first born, Tiffany, and wonder at God's creation. Her every breath as a baby, was sweet music to me and just stroking her cheeks and looking into her baby eyes, I see God in her. She is a miracle, a wonderful gift from God. It's always the 1st experiences that leave a deeper impression on us.

Just like in ME where couples build up intimacy in their relationship ONLY if we SUSTAIN LOVING COMMUNICATION between themselves, so must we KEEP AT OUR COMMUNICATION WITH GOD. Relations turn cold when we stop keeping in touch with each other. It's OK to not communicate much for a day or two, but if it hits 3 to 4 days, we have better do something about it. Otherwise, couples become strangers with one another, just like we will with God if we do not communicate with him. The booklet says there is no short-cut to communication with our loving creator... it's through His Word (bible passages) and prayers (from our heart).

I'm taking this opportunity to begin commuicating with my God, and hopefully we'll build an intimate relationship. When we share insights learnt from our reflections with our spouses, children and friends, this sharing would also build relationships with these other important people in our lives.

I had a reflection last night which I shared with Albert. Perhaps I'll share it with you too. This booklet talks about God being a shepherd and we the sheep as reflected in Psalm 23. It was telling us that this intimate relationship with God can never be on equal grounds. We'll always be in awe of God. Just like the sheep (us) looking up to the shepherd (God) for protection and guidance. My insight then was when I was in NZ, I see lots of sheep wandering around minding their own business, but I did not see any shepherd. But at the end of the day, the shepherd would come and herd them back into the sheep-pen. We are like the sheep. The vast endless field is like our world. We wander about our daily business in life till at the end of our life here on earth, our Shepherd would come to herd us home to heaven. We don't see the shepherd but at the end of the day (life) He'll appear. Profound huh!?! I never saw it that way before.

Love Theresa